


He really didn’t care (until he did)

by uwuJISUNGie



Category: Produce 101 (TV), VICTON (Band), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Bittersweet, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I really dont like this, Insecurity, M/M, One Shot, Self-Esteem Issues, Soulmates, and idk why i dont, i typed this randomly idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-10-01 00:08:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20455829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwuJISUNGie/pseuds/uwuJISUNGie
Summary: It was quiet except for the occasional cars slowly riding down the street. The sun was setting. There were no pinks, purples, oranges. Just grey. The grey overhang of the sky melted into the grey looking city. White lights, black shadows, grey exterior. Or that’s just how Yohan saw it. He hated being like this. He hated feeling like this. He always found a way to dampen his mood but maybe that’s just who he was. The swing in the stray park felt almost homey, no kids, no parents, just Yohan. The way he wrapped his fingers around the cold chain made his fingers numb. He didn’t care.





	He really didn’t care (until he did)

It was quiet except for the occasional cars slowly riding down the street. The sun was setting. There were no pinks, purples, oranges. Just grey. The grey overhang of the sky melted into the grey looking city. White lights, black shadows, grey exterior. Or that’s just how Yohan saw it. He hated being like this. He hated feeling like this. He always found a way to dampen his mood but maybe that’s just who he was. The swing in the stray park felt almost homey, no kids, no parents, just Yohan. The way he wrapped his fingers around the cold chain made his fingers numb. He didn’t care. 

He watched people walk by huddled in winter coats. Some furry, some big, some just…plain. Well he couldn’t really say that. Frankly he didn’t know what the meaning of plain meant. If he could make a definition for plain, It’d be Kim Yohan. I mean he knew what it was. It was himself. He just didn’t know what it looked like. He kicked his feet lightly off of the ground, his body moving swiftly. He didn’t want to swing really but his body moved on it’s own. It was way too cold to be doing this. He was dumb. Stupid. Stubborn. He didn’t care. 

He should’ve worn better clothes to shield his body away from the freezing winter breeze that flowed through his hoodie too easily, it made his shiver. But he kept swinging. All the people that walked by the park looked happy. How could they be happy in such a lonely grey city? Oh. He was the only one who couldn’t see color. Maybe he shouldn't think about it. Maybe he should go back to the dorms, act like he was happy just to make sure everyone else was happy and to not be a burden. But he couldn’t do that. Not when his members had experienced seeing these colors while he was left in the dark to watch them be happy. He should be happy for them so why was he jealous? It was just some damn colors. What was so magical about them? Eunsang thought they made himself look better. He thought Yohan looked good in blue. Whatever the fuck that was, he didn’t care. 

Yellow was Hyeongjun’s favorite color. He said it made him feel happy, safe, secure. Yohan tried his best to understand but he couldn’t. He really, really couldn’t. They all knew, especially since he would ask if he looked okay before going out. He never knew if he was matching because he couldn’t see if he was or not. Wooseok never had the heart to tell him he wasn’t matching socks. Hangyul nervously would. After that, no one tried to talk to him about these color things. He was glad but….not. His chest always started hurting when someone would stop talking about something or laughing about something cause they mentioned a color. Maybe if he’d be able to meet his soulmate then maybe he’d be able to see color and not feel like this everyday. Why was he being punished? Why couldn’t someone else feel his pain and understand that he was so fucking miserable. So fucking irritated. So tired. He didn’t notice when he stopped swinging. He didn’t notice it started snowing. He also didn’t notice he was crying. He _really_ didn’t care. 

Snow fell down lightly from the sky. He tilted his head up and stared at the little white flakes falling from the grey sky. Are these a different color? He really hoped not. They looked pretty white and he wanted it to stay that way. He wanted something to stay the same. At least he could be happy about that. He closed his eyes and let the snowflakes fall on his face a bit longer. Tears formed in the corners of eyes and burned as they slid down his cold red face. Why was he being a coward? Why was he crying? Why was he being like this? A warmth spread over his face. It felt so foreign yet so….familiar. The warmth spread further down to the sides of his face. His chest bloomed with the same warmth that was on his face. His body felt tingly but it wasn’t unpleasant. Then it was gone. He then realized how cold he was. He was literally shivering. A coat was lightly draped over his shoulders and a hand patted down his hair to get the snow off. Huh? Yohan opened his eyes slowly to find Seungwoo. He had a face mask on but his pretty sharp eyes were enough to tell who it was. The warmth that was on his face was…his hyungs hands? Why? 

The younger could practically see the frown on his leaders face but chose not to feel hurt by it. He didn’t say anything because he was too afraid his voice would crack and he really didn’t want to cry anymore in public. There weren’t many people out due to the cold but yet Yohan felt warm. Strangely warm. Ever since Seungwoo touched his face. The elder took the brunettes silence to heart. It was worrisome and he knew he was hurting but he didn’t wanna push. He crouched down in front of the swing the younger was sitting on and zipped up the coat he put on him. The younger had a dry expression, one that was really unusual for him. Again, Seungwoo didn’t push. 

“Wanna go somewhere warm?” Silence. The elder took that as a yes. Yohan stood and Seungwoo pulled the scarf from around his neck and placed it on Yohan. The younger instantly felt guilt. His hyung was probably worried about him and spent so much time looking for him. He was so fucking dramatic. His fluffy hood was soon pulled over his head and then Seungwoo stopped touching him. A pity really. He was really warm. Those same pair of hands moved over his face again. Why? Why does he keep putting his hands on his face? Oh. He was crying again. Of course he wasn’t able to keep his emotions in check. He was swiftly pulled into a strong warm padded chest and he practically melted. The dams he had built up, the walls he rebuilt after their final crumbled like a stale cookie right in front of his eyes. Intense pressure formed in his chest and the flood started. He was just so tired. Tired of trying to feel different when he absolutely couldn’t. Tired of people staring at him. Tired of being in the spotlight. Tired of thinking he could do everything himself. Tired of trying not to care. Because he did. He really did care. His sobs didn’t stop no, but his body felt numb and the only thing keeping him afloat above the cold raging river, was Seungwoo.

Lips were placed on his forehead and the warmth came back, spread to the rest of face and down his whole body. It was so warm that he almost thought it wasn’t snowing anymore. Fingers pressed lightly at his face trying to rid of the ugly tears that fell from Yohan's face. The warmth intensified. He wanted to feel this warm forever. Wrapped in the soft blanket that was Seungwoo. Smelled like Seungwoo. Felt like Seungwoo. The voice in the back of his head told him no. He shouldn't think like this. He couldn’t think like this. He was being selfish and greedy just because he never met his soulmate. He quieted the voice. He didn’t need his soulmate. He didn’t want his soulmate. He wanted Han Seungwoo. His hyung. His leader. The person who kept him grounded. No one would ever make Yohan as happy as he made him and he really loved that. Soft pillow lips placed themselves lightly onto his own and he short circuited. The sweet strong scent of cologne tickled his nose and the arm around his back stopped his tears. Stopped his worries. Stopped everything. The warmth was almost suffocatingly delicious and his chest bloomed so much of it that it seemed to wrapped around the pair in the dead winter night making it feel like summer all over again. At that moment Yohan realized. Even if he couldn’t see color, he’d spend the rest of his life in black, grey and white if it meant he’d be with Seungwoo. 

“Please d-don’t leave me.” 

“I would never.”

**Author's Note:**

> I GRADUATED !!!!!!!! thank god. hopefully ill have more time to write now but ive been having bad writers block recently so i hope that goes away asap,,,,,also i didnt proof read cuz like im too lazy so im sorry for grammar mistakes khwjbfoqc


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